Reflections at 5AM

I am drawn to quiet,  emotional people.

My children are my greatest joy,  and my greatest sorrow...because they are so far away. My love for them has no boundaries. It is unconditional.

Opera makes me weep.

My greatest inspiration is a very dear friend who is dying with ovarian cancer. Her strength knows no bounds. I am humbled by her spirit. She experiences more joy in every moment than anyone I have ever known.

The only place I feel truly alive and free is in the water. It is my safety net,  and my peace. I now no longer feel the need to count laps,  or to compete. I swim for hours now, alone in the silence of the water...weightless and free of worries and pain.

Every day when I walk Bree,  the Alaskan Malamute who owns me, I find myself grinning for no reason. She and I take great pleasure in the reactions of people of all ages to her gentle presence. She adores people, and everyone she meets is drawn to her.  She is my best friend and soul mate. And yes. We have conversations.

Everyone loves my paintings and drawings...except me. I can never seem to please myself. But nothing gives me greater pleasure than the smell of turpentine and oil paint.  Sitting alone in a room, sketching my surroundings is my simplest pleasure. Note that I always include my foot in my sketches...one of my many quirks.

People who don't know me well regard me as eccentric. That makes me smile, because they are right.

Injustice in any form disturbs me profoundly.  Whether it is racism,  poverty, or attitudes toward the LGBTQ community. I always feel like I need to act in some way, so I do what I can. I speak up. It's not much,  but bigotry and injustices to those of us who are "different" saddens me. It physically hurts.

It is critically important to me to take risks. It makes me feel alive. And I live moment to moment...I don't want to grow old regretting what I didn't do out of fear. That is one reason I am drawn to open water swimming. The risks are there, but the thrill of getting from point A to point B under my own power in risky waters is beyond description. My Mack Straits swim is one good example. Quite frankly, I am afraid...not of the water,  the cold, the distance, or the shipping lane. My fear is of not finishing. So I work toward this adventure. If I  am successful, make it from the UP to the LP and manage to raise a lot of money for Gleaners Community Food Bank in Detroit, I will be over-joyed, but ready to move on to the next chapter,  the Alcatraz swim. I am not super human. I recognize my limitations. But I WILL  continue to test myself within the limits of my age and the time I have left on the planet.

Now. Once again I find myself rambling.

Perhaps I should sleep.