Frustrating week.  After 6 weeks of Physical Therapy on my swimmer's shoulders, I am still having a lot of pain.  Therefore, as my therapy is now over, I have to get an MRI of both shoulder's this coming Friday at 10 PM.  Yep.  10 PM.  Can't wait.  They're looking for a tear in a tendon or some other anomaly.   I hope they don't find anything.  That could mean surgery.  The problem was an Open Water Swim up in Harbor Springs last summer.  It was a windy day, creating waves and cross-currents.  I missed the 1/2 mile turn around for the one mile race, and ended up at the turn-around buoy for the 2 mile race.  The whole trip took me 66 minutes. (Not a bad time for a 2 mile swim, but it put me in 4th (last) position in the one mile.)  It wasn't ever about winning for me, as I'm 61 years old, and I am not interested in winning races in any sport.  It was a rough swim, but I loved it!  I would absolutely do it again.  The real problem was training for 1 mile, and swimming two.  Maybe not next summer, but I will swim that race again.  It was SO much fun!  Can't ride my horse until I figure out what's up with the shoulders.  Merde on that!

Nick

Nick came into this world in the same way he has always managed his life.  He was patient, with a streak of my stubbornness. His birth took 48 hours.  He would come when he was ready. He was born by C-section, as he was having difficulty breathing.  He was immediately put on a respirator and taken to the NICU.  At the time, I was heart-broken, at not being able to witness his birth, but my Doctor felt I was too exhausted to stay awake during the surgery. In a day or two I was wheeled in to the NICU to see my beautiful boy.  I was shocked to see all of the tubes, and monitors attached to my son.  His head and body was banged and bruised due to his long delivery.  I knew he would make it, though. There was a strength emanating from this infant.  He reminded me of a tree. An oak tree.  I decided that one day I would plant an oak tree for him.  Oak trees are sturdy, and stubborn...patient and beautiful. When I brought him home, I was amazed at his "easiness".  He was not a "fussy" baby at all.  His father and I were amazed at how he slept through the night in his first month.  As he grew, he exhibited tendencies that would get him through his life.  Only Nick would take apart a broken toaster at age 10, and put it back together again.  I truly don't remember whether or not it worked again.  I was just profoundly amazed at the extent of his curiosity, tenacity, and intelligence.  As an artist myself, I watched him develop his drawings, and Art.  When he went to High School, he decided to take Photography class.  I lent him my beloved Pentax Spotmatic camera.  Later on, I decided that the camera belonged to him. It was important that I let him have it.  To this day, he has an "eye", as they say in photography.  I finally gave him the rest of my photographic equipment.  I was almost brought to tears when I saw his home in Portland, Oregon for the first time, and he showed me that he had set up a darkroom with my old college equipment. I digress, I know.  The day he brought his beautiful young girlfriend home to meet us, I knew that she was the "one".  She was so much like Nick...beautiful and brilliant, loving and kind. At the time she was a young Taiwanese University of Michigan PhD candidate in a science that I cannot describe.  Nick filmed Yi-Hsuan's dissertation.  Such a sign of love...to document a student turning professional...in a second language.  Brilliant.  The two of them are not a match, really.  They complement each other.  Theirs is a love that is truly eternal.

Nick is a private. patient and loving son, and husband.  It really is different with sons.  There is a lot of unspoken words...stuff that does not need to be said.  You just know it is there.  He is the child who shared my passion for Art, and his father's love of music. He has so much talent in Graphic Arts, that he has no problem staying employed.  His latest band...The Silent Numbers...(the very name a play on a Mathematical concept) is doing well in the Portland music scene.

Nick is happy.  He wishes to lead a simple, uncluttered life with Yi-Hsuan.  I love him for that

There is nothing I would not do for this boy/turned man/turned artist/turned husband. I hold him close to my heart, and love him as only a mother can understand...and yet.  There is something deeper in my love for Nick.  It contains respect.  Love and respect entwined.


 Now, we have the home where I can plant his tree.  An oak tree...this Spring.

Stevens Johnson Syndrome

I can now write about this experience without re-experiencing the trauma, as I am free of this terrible disease.

One day, I noticed a swollen lymph node on my neck.  Figured I was coming down with something. The next day I was experiencing fever and chills...temps around 102.  Then. Nothing, except a small rash on my right arm.  It was extremely itchy and I scratched constantly in my sleep.  The rash spread to my chest, and my stomach.   I got up the next morning and it was everywhere...head to toe.   Michael took  one look at me and said:"We've gotta take you in".  I went immediately to Chelsea's ER (shorter wait time.).  They wanted to send me to the U of M ER, as they were not equipped to handle "weird".  However, The U had 42 people in gurneys in the hallways, so I was transferred by ambulance to St. Joe's, where I was admitted.  The rash turned into painful blisters...and I was put on a morphine drip.  Even bed linens were painful.  Students were continually coming in to examine me, as what I had was quite rare.  Stevens Johnsons can be deadly, cause blindness, or develop into a chronic, lifetime, condition.  I was terrified.  I was in the hospital for 3 days in this condition.  Unfortunately, there is no treatment...only cortico-steroids and palliative care. The whole situation was made worse, as I had also developed "swimmer's shoulders" from my first open water race.  I had trained to swim a mile, and ended up swimming two miles.  I am still in PT for that.  After I returned home, I had 2 more "pain emergencies".  I was again put on morphine, given pain killers (in my case, Dilaudid).  The 2nd trip I went to the ER at UofM, and spent the day with docs and amazing nurses trying to control my pain.  It took at least a month to recover.  I would not wish this illness on ANYONE!  To this day, it's hard for me to talk about it.

If you're wondering where I've been for the last three weeks, I will tell you this:"I was hospitalized for mental illness." To be more succinct, I suffer from PTSD-related Major Depression, and I had a relapse. Yep. It's true. As most people know, there are more forms of mental illness than I can possibly list. It does not matter whether it was caused by trauma or a chemical imbalances. Call m

e sick. Call me crazy, but don't call me stupid. Don't tell people your sister had a "nervous breakdown", because they just do not exist. This is my personal plea for people who have this disease. End DADT for mental illness. Please post this on your FB page for at least 4 hours. Post it again and again. Tell everyone Julie A. Garrett Woods sent you, and would love to have all of you "crazies" as a friend.

Paper bicycles!

Paper bicycles!   Cool, huh?!

Why Psychiatry is dying

Psychiatrists, such as Carl Menninger, and Jung were all about healing....Making the patient's surroundings pleasant and supportive to the healing process.  Today's Psychiatrists are nothing more than legal dope dealers.  Prescriptions are given out like candy to patient's trusting in the judgment of these "healers". Psychiatrists only have a vague idea of how psychotropic drugs act on the brain.  They have no idea why some drugs seem to work for some people, and are worthless to others.  All drugs have side effects, but psychotropics are the biggest offenders in the drug industry. Seroquel...currently a very popular drug with Psychiatry, is the second most dangerous drug on the market.  Not only does it cause weight gain, it has been now proven to cause Diabetes 2...an extremely serious disease.  The best medicine for Depression, Anxiety, and a host of other maladies is vigorous daily exercise.  I swim 3 miles a day, and ride my horse every day, as well.  I fall in bed pleasantly exhausted.  It helps if you believe in a higher power.  As I drift off to sleep, I imagine myself surrounded in the soft glow of God's love.  I am medication free, and I will never be happier.  If God is not your thing...use soft music, and imagine yourself in a peaceful place, calm, warm and contented.  Go about your day in a mindful way, finding pleasure in everyday activities.  It helps to have a pet in your life.  I have two:  my horse, Sunny, and my Alaskan Malamute, Bree.  They are my therapists.

It’s good to be pretentious!

It’s good to be pretentious!

My Life at Age Five

I was an extremely shy little girl.  However, the nuns gave me a big part in the kindergarten play.  I believe I had 5 lines.  On show night, we all performed well, and I was quite proud of myself.  My friends mothers all patted on the back. There were smiles all around.  My Dad was grinning from ear to ear.  On the way home in the car, my mother said:"You did great, but you need to speak a lot louder."  It was praise from my mother that I wanted, but never seemed able to make her proud.  I sank down in my seat, dropping my head.  My mother turned around and stroked my sister Sarah's hair.  Sarah was two years old, and, in my 5 year old opinion, a complete brat, and yet my mother gave her the attention I desperately wanted.  My father, on the other hand, was always calling me his pretty little girl.  That night, after our baths, my mother put us to bed.  I fell quickly asleep.  Hours later, I heard the squeaky board in front of our bedroom door.  My father crept in and whispered softly to me.  He said I was his special girl, and that he would never let anyone hurt me.  He stroked my dark brown hair and kissed me softly on the lips. I remember being surprised by that, as we were always kissed on the forehead or the cheek.  He put his hand gently under my pajama top, and rubbed my tummy.  That felt so nice.  My Daddy really loved me.

SWIM!

Polaris Ranger Men's Mountain Bike - 26" - Mountain & Hybrid Bikes (Google Affiliate Ad)On  August 5, 2012, I will attempt my first open water swim in Lake Michigan...up North.  It will be one mile long, in cold water.  I'm training like crazy.  I'm going to be swimming with one of my former age group swimmers.  She won her age group last year.  I'm working hard to do the same in my  age group...a lot less competition, though.  It will be quite an adventure.