In a little more than a month, my beloved, oldest daughter, now 35, will give birth to a son. This will be her first child, and my first grandchild. She is blessed with good health, and the support of the love of her life...her husband.
Both Shauna an Ian are about to begin an amazing journey...nothing will ever be the same. I know, that I, as a young mother, pregnant with Shauna, I often felt over-whelmed by the upcoming responsibilities and challenges this new life would mean to me. As I slowly gathered all the material things this new baby would require, I was giddy with excitement and fear. Would the baby be healthy? Would I be a good mother? What if...My questions were endless. I spent a lot of time annoying my Obstetrician with questions, both legitimate and ridiculous.
I now spend a lot of time speaking with my daughter on the telephone, listening to her talk about her pregnancy, her fears, and her excitement. I marvel at her maturity and wisdom. Her grace under pressure during these uncertain times is truly amazing. We discuss organic baby mattresses, breast-feeding, and education, diapers, and temper tantrums. Although we live miles apart (Shauna and Ian live in Virginia, and I live in Michigan), I feel closer to my beautiful daughter than ever before. We are about to share a common bond....motherhood. Soon she and Ian will experience the happiest moment of their lives. Shauna faces this challenge with an uncommon dignity and intelligence. Ian stands by her side, soothing her through her fears, attending birthing classes, and preparing himself for the days ahead. We have discussed the joys and the sorrows, the challenges, the successes and failures that will arise as they raise their child. I advise, as best I can, but sometimes, there are no words I can say to her to prepare her for what is to come.
Shauna, while very different than me, and with many interests that do not always intersect with my own, has always been, in a way...my soul-mate. I understand her quirky little ways, as she has put up with my own strange ways over the years. We are both creative people with a love of music, dance, animals, and art. We share the same wicked strain of humor...We share anxieties. Whatever I expected of Shauna, as she was growing up, she has always exceeded. An over-achiever, she is her own worst critic. I get that.
These are exciting times for Shauna, as a first-time mother, and for me as a first-time Nanna. No. Nothing will ever be the same. But I am not worried. The future is always uncertain, but I am confident, Shauna will be ready. There are no words I can use to describe just how proud/happy I am of her and her achievements. When I tell Shauna that I love her, I am sure she does not fully understand the depth of those words. Toward the end of March, when she holds her newborn son in her arms, she will understand what those words truly mean.
Over the years, we have had our share of successes and difficulties, happiness and regrets. Was I a good mother? I was never quite sure of that until now.
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